"Now THAT looks like money waiting to be made!!"As always, this is not a "best of" list. It is merely a cheap parody of The Black List and the types of scripts that actually sell.
48 Mentions
140 CHARACTERS OR DEATH! by Robert Worthington & Aleister Primrose
"A special agent has one chance to save New York City from a terrorist attack: if he starts a comedy themed Twitter account and gets 140 followers in one hour he will be given the location of their dirty bomb. But Special Agent Thomas Curt has absolutely no sense of humor."
Agent: Creative Artists Agency - Dan Masters, Brett Washington, that chick from the Coffee Bean.
45 Mentions
THE SLIPPER MURDERS - by Arnold Sturgis
A dark re-imagining of "Cinderella" that sees the heroine hunt down and viciously disembowel her evil stepsisters...all in the name of true love. There's also a talking vagina named "Pumpkin."
Agent: Creative Artists Agency - Frances Muff, Joanna Stuffer
42 Mentions
MARTIN RILEY & THE TUG EFFECT by Eugene Flanks
"Martin Riley lost the love of his life over twenty years ago. Thanks to an accident involving a particle accelerator and a pint of Jack Daniels, Martin discovers he can time travel his way back to her...but only if he's masturbating."
Agent: International Creative Management - Harold Gandalf, Elizabeth Sauron, Thomas Baggins.
32 Mentions
IS THAT A ZOMBIE PENIS OR IS THAT MY PURSE? by Herman Irwin
Spiritual successor to 2008's "Are Those My Balls Or Is That A Cell Phone", the script follows Emily Wellington who suffers a severe injury at a Halloween party and is subsequently unable to distinguish between her purse and a zombie's cock. This gets her into a spot of trouble when a zombie Apocalypse breaks out.
Agent: William Morris Endeavor - Sarah Self, Brian Other, Jeff Gott.
25 Mentions
UPSIDE-DOWN by Martin Glass
"After Edward Frost loses his job, his home, and his wife in the span of fifteen minutes, he feels that his life is turned upside-down. And then his life is literally turned upside down. Can Edward right his world? And can he abandon the ceiling fan he's fallen in love with?"
Agent: Gersh - Calvin Winkle
22 Mentions
KITTY PORN by John Benedict
The true story of Amelia Gray who started the first website dedicated to cute pictures of cats.
Agent: Creative Artists Agency - Miley Rose
18 Mentions
THE GORE GATSBY by Stephanie Becks & Millicent Light
A re-telling of F.Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." But Gatsby is a werewolf. And Nick Carraway is a werewolf hunter. And Jordan Baker has a blood-drenched lesbo scene with Daisy.
Agent: William Morris Endeavor - Emily Thomas, Brian Fitzsimmons
UNTITLED BUKKAKE PROJECT by Jason Goldfarb & Takanobu Ito (C.E.O., Honda Motor Co.)
"Very hard work man. Work hard. Work so hard. Honor shareholder. Pressure. So much pressure. Need pressure away. Pressure bad. Friends. Good friends. Hard work man and friends cum on naked lady. No pressure. Pressure go. Good time magic. Make all white lady. But what if discover shareholder? Oh no! Incident! Complicate! Bad! No magic good time. Need Will Ferrel help hard work man."
Agent: Creative Artists Agency - Dan San, Greg San, big tit girl Coffee Bean
15 Mentions
HANSEL & GETSOME! by Meredith Daulton
A dark and comedic re-imagining of the Hansel & Gretel fable where the lost brother and sister have to fuck and suck a witch to death before they track down a cadre of rogue CIA agents in war-torn Afghanistan.
Agent: ROAR - Willy Stinkletits
WHAT LIES BETWEEN LOVE AND FRAUD by Alexandra Keats
Based on the book "The Medium And The Scientist" by Trevor Hall. Chronicles the life of British scientist William Crookes and his investigation of, and subsequent fascination with, the medium Florence Cook. Supernatural drama.
Agent: Wilson & McCartney Management - Stephen Wilson, Adam McCartney
HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF MY COCK? by Terry Dipdale & Todd Cerniak
"So there's this guy, right? And he's got a really big cock! And he keeps on asking people if they've seen just how fucking big it is, right? And then like, there's a girl that doesn't care about his cock, she cares about his heart and shit. So, like, he falls in love and shit, but then something happens, shit gets fucked, but he uses his heart to get her back to his cock. Yeah!"
Agent: United Talent Agency - John Scrum, Alicia Pitch
12 Mentions
TEDDY ROOSEVELT: PUSSY CRUSHER by Seth Cracker
"Every president has a secret life. But only one had to get laid every six hours or else he'd turn into a zombie werewolf."
Agent: William Morris Endeavor - Brittney Glazer, Eric Cracke
9 Mentions
COLDER THAN SNOW (THE BECK CHRONICLES PT.1) by Robert Phillips & Dave Hen
"In a future where 9/11 has been erased from the historical records, only one American has the courage to break into pet stores and ejaculate in fish tanks."
Agent: International Creative Management - Jefferson Bedlam, Dell Eerie
TIMMY'S GUIDE TO INFINITE HAPPINESS by Francis Root
"Henry Grimm is a man who lost everything in the financial crash. He is on the brink of suicide when he befriends a three-week old infant left in a dumpster that he names 'Timmy.' Through excessive abuse of alcohol and narcotics, Henry hallucinates a voice and personality for Timmy that helps him believe in himself again and get his life back in order. Of course once he sobers up he realizes he has a fucking baby."
Agent: Creative Artists Agency - C. Dude.
DOMINION: DINOSAURS VS. ALIENS by Grant Morrison
"It’s very tempting to assume that my movie will be about actual gigantic prehistoric avian reptoids doing battle with extraterrestrial biological entities from another planet. It would also be wrong.
The aliens are not truly aliens as currently defined. They are instead super-intelligent condensed vibrations from a bleeding universe that exists within a space of moments that never truly occurred but have been glimpsed in dreams. This bleeding universe is visible to human beings if the have access to the Crimson Sherpa’s Time Piece (a repository of intentionally forgotten alchemical and sexual rites that allows one to access his 'techno-chakra.')
It is the goal of these condensed vibrations (these 'aliens') to merge with a young planet that has no indigenous intelligent life. This is their religion for lack of a better world: sonic sexual immersion into an entire world.
What they failed to realize is that earth at this time does have intelligent life in the form of dinosaurs (although they prefer to call themselves 'Rogers.') These Rogers are quiet and thoughtful. It’s not that they are in love with peace, they simply see no reason to live otherwise. And who can blame them when they spend most of their days injecting DMT into each other’s eyeballs and communing with the Roger God Head who looks suspiciously like an African Einstein in a poodle skirt.
It is only when the ordered Apollonian vibrations of the bleeding universe infringe upon the Rogers languid Dionysian existence that conflict is invented and defined.
This is not a movie about actual aliens fighting dinosaurs. It is a metaphorical stand-in for Emmanuel Kant’s separation of the beautiful from the sublime."
Whuzzat?
That's not a logline?
Alright then: "Dinosaurs fight fucking aliens."
Agent: International Creative Management - Gideon Stargrave
A FISH OUT OF WATER by Nathan Bigelow
Mister Slicky was the happiest goldfish of them all. Until the maid knocked over his fish bowl...and didn't even notice. Now Mister Slicky has to survive in a world he never experienced and never dared to imagine. Mister Slicky truly is...A Fish Out Of Water.
Agent: Barbara Boots, Mike Levin
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